Trump Socks, Trump Perfume, Trump Home Furnishings, Trump Men’s Clothing, Trump Wine, Trump Vodka, Trump Energy drinks, Trump Ice, Trump Steaks, Trump: The Board Game, Trump Tower, Trump Casinos, Trump Mortgage, Trump Magazine, Trump New Media, GoTrump.com, Trump University, Trump Airlines.
What do all the above-named businesses have in common—besides the Trump name? Every one of them failed. But Donald Trump’s latest business venture is likely to buck that trend. The new God Bless the USA Bible—which lacks the Trump name but banks on his widely publicized endorsement—will, I prophesy, sell out faster than a lightning bolt flashing from east to west, faster than a mighty, rushing wind, faster than Herschel Walker sprinting past a goalpost in a pair of gold-painted Trump Sneakers.
The new messiah’s MAGA faithful will quickly make this new Trump venture an anomaly, a bona fide miracle; it will turn a profit. These new, Trump-endorsed Bibles will soon ornament—and collect dust on—the coffee tables and mantles of millions of MAGA homes across the country.
Like their new messiah, most MAGA folks claim to revere the Bible, and if Donald Trump endorses a new version of it, it must be worth its weight in iron pyrite. Also like their orange Jesus, most MAGA folks know as much about what’s in the Bible as they know about what’s on the pages of a college textbook or, for that matter, any book with real words. MAGA disciples, like their redeemer, know just enough about the Bible to make them dangerous.
Also like their eminence, most MAGA disciples would be hard-pressed, on short notice, to give an unambiguous answer to a question about their favorite book of the Bible.
Sentiment: “It’s a beautiful, tremendous book; I love it.” Question: “Tell me about it; what’s in it?” Reply: “Uh, umm, God helps those who help themselves … I think?” Question: “Can you tell me where to find that verse in the Bible?” Reply: “You’re a Biden deep-state plant, aren’t you?”
Donald Trump will continue to profit from his doting, deluded disciples—selling them anything that might grab their attention for a few moments—until he bleeds them dry. Then he’ll abandon them and look for the next group of suckers. But that might not work out so well, because it’s likely that before too long, the only folks he’ll have as an audience will be wearing the same baggy, orange jumpsuits he’ll be sporting. And when the new Trump con is exposed, those similarly attired inmates aren’t likely to be forgiving.