Interviewer, holding a microphone at a Trump rally: “So, tell me what you love about Trump.”
Trump Disciple: “Everthang … what’s not to love about him?”
Interviewer: “Can you be more specific? What did Donald Trump do as president that made your life batter and made you love him?”
Following a 10-second pause as the disciple’s eyes track back and forth while searching her 64-k brain for an answer, she lands on something: “The illegals. He built that wall ta keep the Mexicuns n them others from cumin up here n takun r jobs n gittin r welfare n rapin us.”
Interviewer: “But Trump failed to keep his promise to build a wall all along the southern border. Only a few miles were built, and most of what was built blew down in the wind or was easily scaled by desperate migrants.”
Disciple: “That ain’t true. Yur just sayin that ta trick me.” She turns to a fellow disciple standing directly behind her. “That true, whut he said bout the wall?”
Disciple 2: “It’s true that the wall wasn’t completed. But it wasn’t Trump’s fault. He tried his best, but the damn socialist Dems stopped him. They want all the damn migrants to get in and vote for more Dems.”
Interviewer: “Actually, sir, several studies have found that voting by illegal immigrants is extremely rare. Even a study by the far-right, Trump-supporting Heritage Foundation found fewer than 100 cases of illegals voting between 2002 and 2022—and that’s with more than a billion votes cast during those 20 years.”
Disciple 2 glares at the interviewer. “Well, at least Trump will put an end to all the baby killin that the Dems promote.”
Interviewer: “Actually, sir, I can show you the statistics proving that since Roe v Wade, the highest abortion rates occurred during the George HW Bush administration, and the biggest drops in the abortion rates occurred during the Clinton and Obama years. And while the rates fluctuated during the Trump years, the numbers were higher during Trump’s last year than during his first year.”
Disciple 2’s eyes continue their livid glare while Disciple 1’s eyes expand in apparent astonishment.
Interviewer turns his attention back to Disciple 1: “Back to the illegal immigration issue. You are aware, aren’t you, that Republican Senator Lankford wrote a bill that would have dramatically reduced the problem, and that Democrats expressed their willingness to support the bill, but Trump opposed it because he wanted the problem to continue until his return to office so he could take credit for solving the issue. So, the bill died, and the problem continues.”
Looking at Disciple 2 again, Disciple 1 asks, “That true?”
Disciple 2: “Well, dammit, Trump’s gotta get back in office if he’s gonna fix all our problems. If he has to play a little dirty politics to get there, it’s worth it.”
Disciple 1: “So it’s true?”
Disciple 2 shifts his weight and huffs. “Yeah, it’s true, but like I said—”
Interviewer to Disciple 1: “Mam, does it bother you that Trump would use the illegal immigration issue as a political tool while allowing the problem that so concerns you to continue?”
Disciple 1: “Well—”
Disciple 2: “Don’t let this commie deep-state plant turn you against Trump.”
Disciple 1: “Well—”
Interviewer: “And, mam, returning to your original concerns about immigration. Were you aware that illegal immigrants are far less likely to commit crimes than are native-born Americans?”
Disciple 1: “It don’t suprize me that Indians would commit more crimes—”
Interviewer: “No, mam, the term native-born does not refer specifically to American Indians. Native-born means anyone born in this country. I assume you were native born—”
Disciple 1: “Damn right I was.”
Interviewer takes two steps back from Disciple 2, whose fists are balled up, ready to defend his messiah with the only means left to him.
Interviewer: “Here, let me read this to you, it’s from the U.S. Department of Justice: ‘Relative to undocumented immigrants, U.S.-born citizens are over 2 times more likely to be arrested for violent crimes, 2.5 times more likely to be arrested for drug crimes, and over 4 times more likely to be arrested for property crimes.’ So, mam, the notion that the immigrants crossing our border seeking asylum are criminals and rapists has no basis in fact.”
Disciple 2 takes a swing at the interviewer, who deftly dodges the attempted assault.
Backing a few more steps to get beyond Disciple 2’s reach, the interviewer asks Disciple 1 his final question: “So, mam, after learning all those facts that contradict your beliefs, what do you love about Donald Trump?”
Disciple 1: “Everthang.”